Always love you..

If a person found that person that they could see themselves with forever.. that person opened they're eyes to love, when that person didn't belive in it before.. basically exposing them to real love, the happiest times in they're life, the closest he got and he believe the closest he'll get to the real thing.. and he fucks that up.. trying his damnist to convince her to believe that it was so stupid of him and he is deeply sorry of it.. and couldn't convince her to look foward and let him mend the pain he caused.. what hope is left for love after her?.. if he feels this is the closest he will ever get to real love, why go on?.. this isn't a oooommmggg I need you back.. I miss you soooo much, im hurrrttting bad because we don't talk message.. if you still know the real me and not the person I prolly get procieved as, you will know that im taking it pretty hard.. and I miss you so fucking much.. but at the same time I realize you just don't want to be with me.. as much as it hurts to come to terms with that, I have to.. even if im in the delusional state that we will make it through.. I know there's no take backs.. I know we'll prolly wont ever be together again.. it hurts, but I know its the reality of it.. as much as I want you to see me for what I am, the good I am, the good I've done, how I am.. I can't make you see me for what I am, for what I could be to you, how different I am.. I can't make you wanna be with me.. basically I can't make you have feelings for me.. as much as I try to tell you or persuade you to.. conclusion.. I will never stop loving you.. In my heart I will always comeback to you no matter what.. I will always wanna be with you.. I will always love you.. your engraved in me.. but it just hurt to know I gotta let go.. I love you Nazie Bae.. and I miss you sooo much.. I just hope all is gonna be well with you..



P.s. im sorry baby..

Best i never had..

That song just adds on to the pain.. and I can't hate you for that.. I wont ever hate you.. I will always love you.. I don't expect for you to feel sorry for me.. as much as I cry as much as I scream for you I don't expect you to just run back to me, forgiving me.. I don't expect for you to love me like you did at one point.. I don't expect for you to see me as the person I was.. no matter how I truely am, it doesn't change what I did.. it never stopped effecting me, I always brought that up.. but just you being gone from me.. with no hope for us hit me hard.. its different this time.. not only im hurt but I get really mad at myself.. I hate me right now.. I hate the fact that I know I can't change what you have in your heart and what you perceive me as.. no matter how hard I try to convince you that I am that person you deep down know I am.. that im different from everyone else.. that I love you to death and that I just want to do right by you and insure your happiness with me.. but reality remains.. that its over.. I lost you.. and I can't get you back.. as much as I need you.. as much as my mind, as much as I want to keep trying.. I know its not gonna happen.. I said I lost all of me yesterday.. and that's real.. I lost you, I lost me, I lost hope.. I lost confidence, I lost all my will, I lost my heart.. im lost without you.. and I know imma stay lost.. I cry, I know imma cry alone.. and what I did.. I deserve to be alone..

This Movie..

Im on duty watching this old 80s movie where this girl dresses up as a guy and goes to a different school to write an article, ends up being friends with so dude, starts spending time with him, eventually at they're prom reveals that she's been fronting as being a guy.. she thought he hated her.. at the end the feelings that she expressed on the article compelled him and he forgave her and through those feeling they were together.. and that shit kills me.. its like I didn't expected for you to forgive me.. and you tried for as long as you could but I just had high hopes that due time you would have those same feelings you used to have for me and that you would let me love you till you don't hurt nomore.. and we can work through the problems.. I just hoped for too much.. I gave you too much.. I gave you all of me.. that's why this pain, I just hurt so fucking much right now.. nobody knows this pain im in.. Im just in a corner crying my eyes out wanting to scream from this pain.. im hurt.. ooommggg.. I just think about this.. I just think about you.. I just think about how much I love.. I just think about how it was suppossed to be.. I think about you being with somebody else.. this is just way tooo much.. nobody experienced heart break like this.. I loved you like a wife, a bestfriend, a lover..